Sometimes It Just Works

Every once in a while, inevitable humor just happens to coincide with one’s mood. That nexus of circumstance is the difference between this sort of thing being mildly amusing or just annoying enough to make one cuss beneath his breath. On this occasion, the merchandise arrangement at a Barnes & Noble had everything it needed, though in this case the one factor that makes the joke work is beyond the control of any hapless employee who figured it would be negligent, even counterproductive, to skip the obvious. One would not be surprised, indeed, if these were the merchandising instructions. But with comedy, timing is everything, and yes, in those days ‘twixt Thanksgiving and Christmas, it is also more generous. Besides, it’s all more decent than I would be. You know, Keep calm and go f―

That is to say, er … um … ah … as we were saying.

Right.

Carry on, then.

Giving thanks: counting our blessings

Many thanks (I think) to Wm.™ Steven Humphrey, for this … um … yeah.

And as Humpy suggests, if the gay black guy in the cowboy hat can thank Sarah Palin ….

Very well: Thank you, Governor Palin. For many years, a certain kind of crass politics, invested in brutish ignorance, has held inordinate sway among voters. The grotesque caricature you (unwittingly?) offered us upon your debut at the GOP convention all the way through Election Day and beyond provided a kind of mirror for the American soul, into which millions of American voters gazed and finally understood that they did not like the reflection. Thank you for helping to elect Barack Obama. Americans everywhere owe you great thanks, and we would be even more in your debt if you would now, finally, shut the hell up and not bother us again.

Gobble this, and give thanks

Les Nessman would be proud. The Associated Press reports:

… North Carolina authorities say a shopper clubbed an alleged carjacker with a frozen turkey as he tried to steal a woman’s car in a grocery store parking lot Sunday.

Police say 30-year-old Fred Louis Ervin of Raleigh stole money from a gas station before running across the street to a Harris Teeter store in a town just south of Raleigh. Garner police say he began beating Irene Moorman Bailey while stealing her car.

Other shoppers came to her rescue, including one who hit Ervin with the turkey. Police did not release the person’s name.

Despite serious head injuries, Ervin got away in Bailey’s car and hit several other cars as he fled. But police arrested him a short time later.

So … there you go. Thanksgiving isn’t a complete waste of a holiday, after all.

(Okay, it never was. But, still, other holidays make sense. Christmas? Even if you throw the Christ part out of it, there’s a holiday in there somewhere. Easter? Same thing. But Thanksgiving falls somewhere between Columbus Day and slapping someone into semi-consciousness and then pissing on them as they lay moaning in the street.)

Gobble, gobble.