Conspiracy Theory: Electric French Bread

Just for your enjoyment, and complete with a creepy black and white photo to make it seem more legit, an obscure new explanation for an incident already explained once, but that wasn’t good enough, apparently. Er … Henry Samuel, in Paris, for The Daily Telegraph:

In 1951, a quiet, picturesque village in southern France was suddenly and mysteriously struck down with mass insanity and hallucinations. At least five people died, dozens were interned in asylums and hundreds afflicted.

For decades it was assumed that the local bread had been unwittingly poisoned with a psychedelic mould. Now, however, an American investigative journalist has uncovered evidence suggesting the CIA peppered local food with the hallucinogenic drug LSD as part of a mind control experiment at the height of the Cold War.

The mystery of Le Pain Maudit (Cursed Bread) still haunts the inhabitants of Pont-Saint-Esprit, in the Gard, southeast France.

On August 16, 1951, the inhabitants were suddenly racked with frightful hallucinations of terrifying beasts and fire.

One man tried to drown himself, screaming that his belly was being eaten by snakes. An 11-year-old tried to strangle his grandmother. Another man shouted: “I am a plane”, before jumping out of a second-floor window, breaking his legs. He then got up and carried on for 50 yards. Another saw his heart escaping through his feet and begged a doctor to put it back. Many were taken to the local asylum in strait jackets.

Time magazine wrote at the time: “Among the stricken, delirium rose: patients thrashed wildly on their beds, screaming that red flowers were blossoming from their bodies, that their heads had turned to molten lead.”

Eventually, it was determined that the best-known local baker had unwittingly contaminated his flour with ergot, a hallucinogenic mould that infects rye grain. Another theory was the bread had been poisoned with organic mercury.

However, H P Albarelli Jr., an investigative journalist, claims the outbreak resulted from a covert experiment directed by the CIA and the US Army’s top-secret Special Operations Division (SOD) at Fort Detrick, Maryland.

This is one of those I kind of hope is true. I mean, on some level … really, dosing a village full of people? That’s pretty wild. Awesome, as conspiracy theories go.

Cow farts!

Argentine scientists are strapping plastic tanks to the backs of cows. (Reuters)

Yes, that is exactly what it looks like. Scientists in Argentina—one of the world’s leading producers of beef—are studying bovine flatulence as part of that nation’s effort to combat global warming. According to Rupert Neate, for the Telegraph:

The Argentine researchers discovered methane from cows accounts for more than 30 per cent of the country’s total greenhouse emissions ....

.... Guillermo Berra, a researcher at the National Institute of Agricultural Technology, said every cow produces between 800 to 1,000 litres of emissions every day.

When penguins fly ….

Yes, that is exactly what you think you’re seeing.

I mean, how freakin’ cool is that?

According to the Telegraph, BBC program host Terry Jones explained,

We’d been watching the penguins and filming them for days, without a hint of what was to come …. But then the weather took a turn for the worse. It was quite amazing. Rather than getting together in a huddle to protect themselves from the cold, they did something quite unexpected, that no other penguins can do.

Apparently a BBC crew witnessed the flight of the Adélie penguins from King George Island—750 miles south of the Falklands—while filming for an upcoming series called Miracles of Evolution.

Hordes of evil dwarves?

God, I wish I was high.

I mean … there are so many things wrong with what comes next:

“Dwarves zipped in suitcases steal from Swedes“, by Lucy Cockcroft

Let me state clearly that I did not make that up.

Criminal gangs are using dwarves in a ruse to steal from the luggage holds of long-distance coaches, by hiding them inside suitcases, according to police.

The bizarre crime is on the rise in Sweden and officers say thieves have got away with thousands of pounds in cash, jewellery and other valuables in recent months.

Gangs are said to sneak the dwarves into the luggage hold, hidden inside baggage.

Then, once the journey has begun, the stowaways are free to rifle through the bags of other passengers without fear of being apprehended.

Before the coach arrives at its destination the dwarves take their loot back into their suitcase, zip themselves inside and wait to be collected by their partners in crime.

And I learned something from this article, too. I mean, there is a theoretical purpose to political correctness, but sometimes it’s just a bit too much. Like the police spokesman in Stockholm, who said, “We are looking at our records to identify criminals of limited stature.”

Well, that does better than “vertically challenged”. Although I don’t see what would be so impolite about actually saying that they are looking through their records to identify “criminals who would fit in a suitcase”.

I won’t even start on Mulch Diggums and Mini-Me.