Memo to Comcast

To: Comcast Cable

re: What is your fucking problem?

It is not so difficult to understand. You are asking me for someone else’s social security number in order to find out the answer to a simple question: My cable box isn’t working properly; do I need to replace the box, or is this just a temporary glitch?

No, seriously.

That’s all I really want to know. Except your phone system is doing everything in its power to prevent me from asking anyone who can actually answer. At one point, it even asked me for someone else’s social security number.

What, What, in the What?

What doesn’t kill you only makes you look … er … um … right.

Never mind. Andres Jauregui explains:

A man in China’s southeastern Guangdong province admitted himself to a local hospital after he reportedly got a live eel stuck inside him. According to British tabloid The Sun, the man inserted the 20-inch-long Asian swamp eel into his anus after seeing it done in a porn movie, and he had to endure all-night surgery to have it extracted.

According to a HuffPost translation of a blogger’s post on Chinese message board forum Mop.com, the eel reportedly chewed through the man’s colon, perforating his large intestine, and became stuck in his body cavity. A graphic X-ray image (seen below) shows how far inside the eel was when the man came in for treatment.

Medical team members reportedly said the eel, which was “simply trying to find its way out,” was alive when removed but died shortly thereafter. According to The Sun, the man is still recovering at the hospital and might face animal cruelty charges.

One might be inclined to inquire as to under what circumstances anal insertion of an eel seems like a good idea. Is there no moment in which one simply shrugs and says, “Yes, but it’s an eel!”

I mean ….

Ginger bashing

Ah, the caprices of youth. Or, according to the Associated Press:

Authorities say a 12-year-old boy assaulted by a group of middle-school classmates in Southern California may have been targeted after an Internet posting that urged students to beat up redheads.

Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Lt. Richard Erickson says the boy, who is redheaded, was kicked and hit in two incidents Friday at A.E. Wright Middle School in Calabasas. As many as 14 students participated in the attacks.

Erickson says the attackers may have been motivated by a Facebook message announcing that Friday was “Kick a Ginger Day.” The posting may have been inspired by an episode of the TV show “South Park.”

The upshot is that the victim wasn’t seriously injured, but what the hell is wrong with these morons?

No, seriously. Say what you will about society’s ills, or bad parenting, or whatever. But how bored and stupid do you have to be that this sounds like a good idea?