Stop reading now … really

What? What the hell am I supposed to do with this?

On Monday, August 4, 2008 … while on routine patrol in a fully marked Fort Wayne police car … I was traveling northbound in the 4500 block of S. Hanna St. and observed what I believed was a naked man standing in front of a large picture window of a home, in plain view. I turned my squad car around and again observed the male white standing in front of a large picture window … in what appeared to be a well-lit living room with his genital region clearly visible to myself and others living or traveling on the road ….

…. I called for assistance from another on-duty unit and together … [we] approached the residence on foot. I could clearly see through the open front door, the male white … was lying on his sofa inserting an item, later identified as a claw hammer covered with a plastic bag, into his rectum while completely naked. We observed he had some type of lubricant on his genital area and buttocks which we learned was motor oil

Insert (donut) punch line here.

Damn it.

(via The Smoking Gun)