Ringing in the New Year


This is the whole of the article from NewsCore:

A police officer is facing termination after having noisy sex in a church tower above a packed congregation attending New Year’s Day morning mass.

Father Nikalaus Maier was preaching to early morning churchgoers when noises from the belltower interrupted him.

He telephoned the police when the lovers came down looking sheepish and scurried swiftly out the door, buttoning their clothes as they left.

A church official said: “My wife sat in the back near the vestry and called me to tell me about the grunts and groans that disturbed the sermon. It was scandalous.”

The police officer faces almost certain dismissal.

Write your own punch line.

Labor News: Stop reading now


In labor news, from The Stranger‘s “I, Anonymous” (March 26, 2008):

Okay, guys. I’m as big a fan of public sex as anyone. When you two business-suit-wearing boys went into the handicap stall of the men’s bathroom together for a quickie at the hotel where I work, I didn’t think it was a big enough deal to stop you. Next time I will. You two left your semen on the floor and walls of the stall. You’re jacking and sucking not two feet from a roll of toilet paper and a convenient way to flush away the evidence. That’s not convenient enough for you? You know who has to clean up your misplaced yuppie baby-gravy? A 90-pound grandmother and housekeeper had to get all of her biohazard business on to clean up your mess. Is it a fetish of yours to have senior-citizen ladies who make minimum wage clean your come off the walls and floor? Or is it your special way to say “fuck you” to the working class? So to all of you folks having public sex, please remember that public places need to be cleaned by someone, and no one is paid enough to clean up the ejaculate of strangers. So have some courtesy and wipe up afterward. Thanks.

I’m sure there’s a Larry Craig joke to put here, but, you know, whatever.  So, yeah.  Er … um … come on, guys.