Can He Get a Witness?


Infinite nothingThe things we learn by watching. And sometimes all anyone needs is a witness.

Observations over the weekend:

(1) Adults talking about eating. One says he’s not hungry. The other tells him no, and proceeds to explain what he will eat and when.

(2) Someone announces his mobile phone is missing. The response is to remind him who he needs to call.

(3) A depressive explains a symptom of his malady; certain events can cause something very much akin to physical pain inside his skull—the signal to noise ratio is impossible. His own mother laughs.

What a world. What a world.

Yeah, I saw that. I heard that. And there is no fourth-frame smile. The punch line is sick.

Advertisements

Dreamswipe


¿What the f@ck is that f@cking noise?Truth told, my problem with phone alarms, quite simply, is the difference between snooze and reset. But, still, yes, it’s something akin to answering a phone in a dream, which really ought to be a line in a pop song, except those bands are all gone, now. Would probably have gone over better than answering machine songs.

____________________

Image credit: Detail of Randall Munroe, xkcd #1359.

Phone Etiquette


Okay, so here’s one of those fun ones.

This evening as I was grabbing my coffee, my mother was finishing a phone conversation. And then we started talking about … er … um … really, I don’t know what. Small talk. Chit-chat. Oh, right, schedules for the next day.

Anyway, at about the same time, we look down, and her phone has been activated for an incoming call. The clock says fifty-three seconds and counting.

For whatever reason, my mother sits there with the phone in her hand, expressing her astonishment at the call, and the one thing she won’t do at that point is put the phone to her ear and say, “Hello?”

And I stood while she talked to me, expressing her puzzlement about this incoming call for over a minute, while tacitly refusing to answer it.

What the hell? No, really, just one of those slightly surreal moments.

Is Principal Gregory Ellsworth a sex offender?


Editorial cartoonist John Cole comments, at his blog for The Times-Tribune:

I don’t know who’s dumber: Kids who shoot nudie pictures of themselves using their cell phones, or school officials who confiscate those phones for unrelated reasons and then rifle through them for said pictures.

John Cole, May 22, 2010While a quiet controversy continues about whether people should be haunted for life because of stupid decisions they made as a teenager, a more disturbing consideration arises out of an ACLU lawsuit filed against officials at Tunkahannock Area High School, where Principal Gregory Ellsworth is accused of confiscating student cellphones, and then searching through them in hopes of finding nude pictures of minors. David Singleton reports, for The Times-Tribune:

According to the lawsuit:

On Jan. 23, 2009, a teacher confiscated the high school student’s cell phone because she was using it on school grounds, in violation of school policy.

Later that day, she was called to Principal Gregory Ellsworth’s office. Mr. Ellsworth told her the phone had been turned over to law enforcement after he went through its contents and found “explicit” photos stored in its memory.

The photos, which were not visible on the phone’s screen and required multiple steps to locate, were never circulated to other students, the suit stated. In most of the images, the student appeared fully covered, although several showed her naked breasts and one indistinctly showed her pubic area.

The student was given and served a three day out-of-school suspension. According to the district’s student handbook, the first offense for cell phone misuse is a 90-minute Saturday detention and the confiscation of the phone for the rest of the day.

A few days later, the student and her mother met with David Ide, chief county detective in the district attorney’s office, who told them he had seen the photos and sent the phone to a crime lab in Delaware.

The suit alleges that when the mother stepped away, Detective Ide told the student it was a shame she had not waited until after her 18th birthday in April 2009 because, instead of getting into trouble, she could have submitted the photos to Playboy magazine. He suggested the student contact him, winking as he said, “I’ll get you your phone back,” according to the complaint.

Shortly after, the student and her mother received a letter from Mr. Skumanick threatening felony child pornography charges if the student did not complete a five-week re-education course on sexual violence and victimization. The student paid a fee of about $100 and took the course to avoid prosecution.

Continue reading

The kindness of strangers? (And also something about vomit)


Is there actually a name given to this truism yet? Not that I would want to claim it for myself, though. Still:

    At any given nightclub rock show, it is inevitable that someone will vomit in a men’s room sink.

‘Nuff said on that, I suppose.

I stopped off at the larger bar in the Showbox, the one to your right as you walked in, not so much to erase the memory of the sink—I’ve seen enough of those in my time, and nothing compares to the disaster when AC/DC played the Tacoma Dome a few tours back—but to throw back a shot and leave my friends to enjoy the feeling of being cute. You know, newfound love and the sudden realization that one is no more immune to the mush factor than anyone else … I just figured they could use some time without me snickering impishly at every little kiss.
Continue reading