Minions of Cthulhu?

Two words suffice: Giant scorpion

Science Daily broke the news:

The discovery of a giant fossilised claw from an ancient sea scorpion indicates that when alive it would have been about two and a half meters long, much taller than the average man ….

…. The claw is from a sea scorpion (eurypterid) Jaekelopterus rhenaniae that lived between 460 and 255 million years ago. It is 46 centimetres long, indicating that the sea scorpion to which it belonged was around 2.5 metres (8 feet) long — almost half a metre longer than previous estimates for these arthropods and the largest one ever to have evolved.

Eurypterids are believed to be the extinct aquatic ancestors of scorpions and possibly all arachnids.

Some geologists believe that giant arthropods evolved due to higher levels of oxygen in the atmosphere in the past. Others, that they evolved in an ‘arms race’ alongside their likely prey, the early armoured fish.

Heh. “Arms race”. Forty-six centimeters. A scorpion with a claw a foot and a half long. The quote of the day actually comes from Dr. Simon Braddy, of the University of Bristol: “We have known for some time that the fossil record yields monster millipedes, super-sized scorpions, colossal cockroaches, and jumbo dragonflies, but we never realised, until now, just how big some of these ancient creepy-crawlies were.”

Oh, gee, you think? You didn’t realize?

Actually, what is even more disturbing is the notion of a scientist using the phrase “super-sized”. If I want super-size, I’ll go up the street and get a crappy slab of dead cow at McDonald’s. (And what the hell are you putting in the burgers these days to make them taste so damnably rancid?)

But what ever happened to perfectly wonderful words like enormous or gargantuan? Oh, you felt like alliterating? Why not scary? You know, like “… monster millipedes, scary freakin’ scorpions, colossal cockroaches …”?

Because what’s really scary about this thing is that the previous estimate for these things was around six feet long. Makes me feel a hell of a lot better. You?

Just remember this thing next time you’re out for lobster.

I wonder what Lovecraft would say? Oh. Right.