Brief Notes on a Scourge


If I make the unfortunate joke about how, between two streaming services and cable television, the one constant result is regretting ever having thought there might be something worth watching, then, sure, it probably stands to reason I will eventually notice that the actual television provider, Comcast XFINITY — Serving the Internet Since Who Knows When and Whenever the Hell We Feel Like Iti.e., Comcast Xfinity, would drive the nail by being utterly unable to serve television.

Last night, my DVR fouled; today, it turns out the on-demand recording is also fouled. Couple that with news programming—any time of day—unwatchable for audio loss and actual static snow, and the same for what few sporting events I bother with, well, hey, I can always get a cooking show, and if not, maybe I can watch rich people buy property in the Caribbean.

Maybe.

They can’t even serve the bloody music in the 900s. Actually delivering product is apparently bad for the business model.

Which, in turn, is another unfortunate morbid comedy verité.

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Streaming Life


If it occurs to mention that a Netflix account is only as good as the internet access, e.g., Xfinity, and this is only worth mentioning because regardless of what else is wrong with Netflix, this part of their business model means the venture is, ultimately, doomed to fuckall.

Watching Software Sucks


Look, we know it’s never any software company’s fault, ever, but let me make one thing clear: Between watching television, to the one, and watching software, to the other, look, you’re up against Comcast; it ought to be a low bar. But between Samsung, who makes the television, and Netflix and Amazon Prime Video, who allegedly serve video, it’s forty-five minutes later and you still don’t work. What the hell is wrong with you people? Watching software brings a consistent result of regretting the thought there might be something worth watching.

Dear Comcast: Serve the Internet, Do Your Job, and No Excuses


To: Comcast XFINITY

re: #STFI — Serve the Fucking Internet!

Comcast XFINITY — Serving the Internet Since Who Knows When and Whenever the Hell We Feel Like ItHey!

What’s wrong with you?

No, seriously, what is your goddamn problem?

Hey, we pay for internet service. If we’re paying for “internet service when Comcast feels like serving the fucking internet”, then put that in the damn contract!

Get your heads out. #SERVEtheFUCKINGINTERNET!

Seriously, stop dicking your customers around and do your fucking jobs!

#STFI

____________________

This post is served to you via Comcast XFINITY, since they felt like serving the fucking internet this evening. No, really, what’s up with the rolling blackouts?

Memo to Comcast


To: Comcast Cable

re: What is your fucking problem?

It is not so difficult to understand. You are asking me for someone else’s social security number in order to find out the answer to a simple question: My cable box isn’t working properly; do I need to replace the box, or is this just a temporary glitch?

No, seriously.

That’s all I really want to know. Except your phone system is doing everything in its power to prevent me from asking anyone who can actually answer. At one point, it even asked me for someone else’s social security number.

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