Memorandum to Tim Cook and Apple, Inc.

MEMORANDUM

To: Tim Cook, CEO, Apple Inc.

re: Creating Windows Users

Hi, Tim, I hope the day is treating you well. I just needed a moment for a brief setup and question.

I’m a Linux user. The main reason for this came about for a circumstantial nexus by which I loathe Microsoft Windows but cannot afford much for Apple gear. An iPhone, sure. A Mac? No, not really. And it’s also true that since abandoning the Macintosh Way, Apple has been reducing the value of its desktop computers as marketplace tools, which is one way of saying that I can’t afford to buy the desktop that doesn’t feel one generation too slow.

My point being that a cheap PC and Linux are my best option.

Still, I’m just back from a couple weeks abroad and this time around I traveled as lightly as I could on this point. Then again, only owning one laptop at present, I didn’t feel like carrying the thing overseas.

To the other, a friend recently decided an inexpensive Nextbook device she had was not sufficient for her work purposes and picked up a Lenovo Yoga. She gave the Nextbook to my mother, actually, but the point is that there is now an up-to-date Windows device in my proximity.

And I have several hundred photos to transfer from my iPhone.

Do you understand the implication, Mr. Cook? I’m sorry; that’s patronizing: Of course you recognize the implication.

Distraction in Real Time

One of the things about necessity and the motherhood of invention is that such notions can be misogynistic.  Cramming for finals or writing a resarch paper on a last-chance all-nighter is what it is, but at some point the parenting metaphors invite questions of neglect.  Consider, for instance, the idea of displaying two blank spaces in HTML.  It can be done, but you must type or macro a particular markup.  And, well, eventually the marketplace did get around to certain aspects.

And So Can They?

Every once in a while, I see a—oh, right. Sorry. Wrong song.

It is the sort of thing that can actually make me paranoid. Well, kind of. But when you feel that milhouse moment, when the slightest breath of air will shatter the looking glass—or, such as it is, when you finally expect that Rachel Maddow will break character and, at long last, say, “Nah, I’m just fuckin’ wit’cha.”

† † †

(Transcript to come, I suppose; and maybe a screengrab when I figure out how badly I broke everything installing KDE Plasma. Yeah. Too bad about that.)

A Note for Steven Brust: Philosophy and Fish

It’s just one of those things; as long as I don’t do anything about it, the idea preys on my mind. Now, having actually scribbled it down, it seems kind of useless. Then again, it’s an exorcism, so ….

From Steven Brust’s Tiassa (p. 293):

“That is true, Brigadier. You have often said that when you assume, you are thinking like a fish.°”

• • •

° In the Northwestern language, the word “assume” consists of syllables that, when taken apart, are not dissimilar to the sound for “fish” followed by the symbols that form the word “thought.”

Meanwhile, from the anime FLCL, episode five (“Brittle Bullet”)—the English-language voiceover:

KITSURABAMI: [shooting an anti-tank rifle] Blue! [fires] Blue! [fires] Blue! [fires] Blue! [fires] Cobalt blue! [fires] If Seven of Nine heaves a sigh, what do you have? Cyborg!

HARUKO: [swings bass guitar, slaps shot back] Cyborg, my butt!

KITSURABAMI: [gasps with alarm]

MAMIMI: [holding Takkun-cat] Actually, confusing cyborgs with robots is a common mistake.

And a more transliterated version in the English-language subtitles that accompany the Japanese dialogue:

KITSURABAMI: [shooting an anti-tank rifle] Blue! [fires] Blue! [fires] Blue! [fires] Blue! [fires] Cobalt blue! [fires] If you write “fish” and “blue”, and it looks like … saba for mackerel!

HARUKO: [swings bass guitar, slaps shot back] Mackerel, my butt!

KITSURABAMI: [gasps with alarm]

MAMIMI: [holding Takkun-cat] Actually, writing fish with blue is a common mistake.

And thus having exorcised the blue cyborg mackerel demon, I’ll shut up, now.