Memo to Comcast

To: Comcast Cable

re: What is your fucking problem?

It is not so difficult to understand. You are asking me for someone else’s social security number in order to find out the answer to a simple question: My cable box isn’t working properly; do I need to replace the box, or is this just a temporary glitch?

No, seriously.

That’s all I really want to know. Except your phone system is doing everything in its power to prevent me from asking anyone who can actually answer. At one point, it even asked me for someone else’s social security number.

Are you fucking kidding me? I mean, one would think the whole South Park nipple-stimulus joke was, well, just a fucking joke, except, well, then there’s you. No, really. Holy shit, dudes. What the fuck is your fucking fuck problem? No, really, guys, is this some sort of sexual fetish?

In the end, we recognize that there is nothing customers can do to improve their service. To the other, don’t be surprised when your employees turn up beaten black and blue in the alley behind the local pub. Really, you shouldn’t put them in such a position.

After all, I might be a pacifist who rejects violence against others, but neither of us would dare assert that such people do not exist in the world.

Fuck you, and good fucking luck, you denigrations of the human species.