What, What, in the What?

What doesn’t kill you only makes you look … er … um … right.

Never mind. Andres Jauregui explains:

A man in China’s southeastern Guangdong province admitted himself to a local hospital after he reportedly got a live eel stuck inside him. According to British tabloid The Sun, the man inserted the 20-inch-long Asian swamp eel into his anus after seeing it done in a porn movie, and he had to endure all-night surgery to have it extracted.

According to a HuffPost translation of a blogger’s post on Chinese message board forum Mop.com, the eel reportedly chewed through the man’s colon, perforating his large intestine, and became stuck in his body cavity. A graphic X-ray image (seen below) shows how far inside the eel was when the man came in for treatment.

Medical team members reportedly said the eel, which was “simply trying to find its way out,” was alive when removed but died shortly thereafter. According to The Sun, the man is still recovering at the hospital and might face animal cruelty charges.

One might be inclined to inquire as to under what circumstances anal insertion of an eel seems like a good idea. Is there no moment in which one simply shrugs and says, “Yes, but it’s an eel!”

I mean ….

And, you know, the sad thing is that this has happened before. A New Zealander needed medical help last year to remove an eel, and that came two years after a man in China actually died after being sexually abused with an eel by drunk friends who clamed it was all a joke until he bled to death internally.

No, really.

Just a teensy niggling thought?

Something might seem interesting when presented in a pornographic context, but that does not automatically mean it should be done. A surprising number of men do, in fact, come to realize, “Yes, but she’s a porn star.”

Let us try it this way: If one watches a dominatrix video, it might seem interesting, and perhaps even titillating. But most men tend to be capable of recognizing that squatting down naked while an angry woman kicks your genitals with as much force as she can muster in those godawful thigh-high boots is not, in fact, the best of ideas. Indeed, the point is so visceral that the question, “What can go wrong?” never need actually resolve. Either getting kicked in the sac is a guy’s thing, or it’s not; there is very little gray zone here.

An eel in the whozat? What could possibly go wrong?