Stop reading now

Just start with this:

Seriously, nerd-men. Are your weenies so teeny that you have to get threatened when women’s sci-fi/fantasy is successful? Are you going to give the girls noogies out on the playground after lunch? There are plenty of legitimate reasons to hate Twilight; cooties is not one of them.

Seriously, that’s quite a tantrum Paul Constant pitched last month in response to an article posted at MovieLine. Now, in the first place, the title, “7 Threatened Fanboy Responses to New Moon“, should have been all the warning anybody needed to steer clear.

One should not, after all, have to read all the way through to the end to discover—

As I ran out of the theater, with my manhood somewhat intact, NEW MOON’s memory was one of an overlong film about not much….Yes when I got home I watched HOURS of lesbian porn to wash the cock heavy butter this flick double dipped in.

—the true Freudian depravity of these sorts, but if one is not wise enough to avoid such outcomes, one ought not complain. Really, the title should have done it. What, do people think this sort of stuff is funny? You know, like reality television? No, just stop and think about it for a minute. How many times do you hear people make excuses amounting to the idea that they only watch reality television for the stupid people. You know, it’s just a fucking parade of stupid people. But at some point, I just can’t take it. American pop culture passed that threshold a while ago.

It’s not funny. That’s the thing. It’s sad. Are people shocked by such blatant stupidity? I mean, fuck. Look at the source. What about—

(1) The source
(2) The subject
(3) The title of the article excerpting it

—this subject isn’t clear? There will be hideously painful stupidity involved. Searing. Soul-scarring. Echoing.

I’m talking lasting damage, to your faith in either reality or hope; often both. This is the stuff that crystalizes to cynicism.

Learn, people.