For the love of God … no!

No, no, and no.

If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find him, maybe you can hire … Liam Neeson.

Representatives from the film corporation 20th Century Fox have reportedly approached the Irish actor to offer him the part of Colonel John “Hannibal” Smith in the forthcoming movie The A-Team, based on the cult 1980s television series.

Producers hope Neeson, 57, will be able to recapture the magic of the original character, portrayed by George Peppard. A cigar-smoking master tactician, who is also leader of the crack squad, Hannibal’s recurring line, “I love it when a plan comes together”, has regularly featured in lists of television’s most memorable quotes.

There’s no point in asking if Hollywood has run dry for ideas. We all figured that out a while ago.

This isn’t the kind of disaster that comes with casting Keanu Reeves in Cowboy Bebop. That’s just a mistake. Rather, Neeson will do fine insofar as anyone can, but an A-Team remake just shouldn’t be made.

Word is that Bradley Cooper will play Face, and that’s a strange counterpoint. One thing to be said for Cooper, though, is he’s hard-working. With a resumé that includes Nip/Tuck, Alias, Kitchen Confidential, and other disasters, I’m not surprised I haven’t noticed this apparent heartthrob. But if all the rumors pan out, he will appear in no less than five movies and a television series this year, and most of them bad. I probably looked right past him in Sex and the City, and most definitely missed his Law & Order episodes, so the only entry on his CV I can attest to is The Midnight Meat Train. I like the original story a lot, and have somewhere a copy of the graphic adaptation. But the movie absolutely sucked, and Bradley Cooper is one of the reasons.

In other bad news for this film, Joe Carnahan is slated to direct, which almost makes sense until we come back to the idea of Neeson as Hannibal. Given that Tony and Ripley Scott are the masterminds behind this evil scheme, I can almost hear Neeson making a Krusty the Klown appeal: “They drove a dump truck full of money up to my house. I’m not made of stone!” Maybe the Scotts needed some token capability for the film.

The roles of Murdock and B.A. have yet to be cast. Should we take bets on Kimbo Slice?

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