Apparently Renny Harlin was busy?

In the largest deal ever made to shit out a movie, Warner Bros. and director Michael Bay announced a landmark $50 million agreement this week to monumentally fuck up ThunderCats.

“I couldn’t be more excited to completely fuck this up,” said Bay, who plans to begin production on destroying the live-action adaptation next month. “ThunderCats has a great story, endearing characters, action, adventure, space-travel, and fantasy. It will be an honor to run it into the ground.”

“I’ll use every directorial tool I have to suck the very life and charm out of this beloved cartoon,” added Bay, claiming that the film could turn out to be the most colossal piece of shit he’s ever worked on. “I won’t rest until I get every last scene exactly wrong.”

According to executives, Warner Bros. settled on Bay after a 12-month search of Hollywood’s most reviled directors, including Joel Schumacher, Roland Emmerich, and Brett Ratner. In the end, the studio decided only Bay could be relied upon to deliver a 220-minute cinematic clusterfuck with enough tedious performances, overblown cinematography, and CGI explosions to make even the most casual fan want to scratch their eyes out.

Via The Onion, of course.

What? I just wanted to make a Renny Harlin joke.

Crumb does creation (and more)

Although I’m not much for the comic and graphic novel market (I think my library consists entirely of one adaptation of Re-Animator and one of Rawhead Rex) the forthcoming project by R. Crumb has my attention:

Having already given the world Mr. Natural, the cartoonist Robert Crumb has finished his long-awaited work about another mystical gray-bearded figure — namely, the Almighty — in a comic-strip retelling of the Book of Genesis, The Guardian reported. On his Web site, rcrumb.com, Mr. Crumb, right, announced that after four years he had completed the project, adapted from the King James Bible and a translation by Robert Alter. The finished work, “Robert Crumb’s Book of Genesis,” is scheduled to be released on Oct. 19. “It’s very visual,” Mr. Crumb said, according to The Guardian. “It’s lurid. Full of all kinds of crazy, weird things that will really surprise people.”