God, I wish I was high.
I mean … there are so many things wrong with what comes next:
“Dwarves zipped in suitcases steal from Swedes“, by Lucy Cockcroft
Let me state clearly that I did not make that up.
Criminal gangs are using dwarves in a ruse to steal from the luggage holds of long-distance coaches, by hiding them inside suitcases, according to police.
The bizarre crime is on the rise in Sweden and officers say thieves have got away with thousands of pounds in cash, jewellery and other valuables in recent months.
Gangs are said to sneak the dwarves into the luggage hold, hidden inside baggage.
Then, once the journey has begun, the stowaways are free to rifle through the bags of other passengers without fear of being apprehended.
Before the coach arrives at its destination the dwarves take their loot back into their suitcase, zip themselves inside and wait to be collected by their partners in crime.
And I learned something from this article, too. I mean, there is a theoretical purpose to political correctness, but sometimes it’s just a bit too much. Like the police spokesman in Stockholm, who said, “We are looking at our records to identify criminals of limited stature.”
Well, that does better than “vertically challenged”. Although I don’t see what would be so impolite about actually saying that they are looking through their records to identify “criminals who would fit in a suitcase”.
I won’t even start on Mulch Diggums and Mini-Me.