Ahmadinejad—the Official Blog


This is just one of those times when I’m not quite sure what to think. I mean, it’s amazing to me, in a way, that I could be remotely sympathetic to the President of Iran, but a question does leap to mind. When is President Bush going to get a blog?

I mean, who wants a Christmas wish from Ahmadinejad?

In the Name of Almighty God, the Most Merciful, the Most Compassionate

Merry Christmas to everyone!

My sincere congratulations to everyone for the Glorious and Auspicious Birthday of Divine Prophet – confirmed and authenticated by Gabriel, the angel of Divine revelation – the Obedient of Almighty God,

Jesus Christ, the Messiah (peace be upon Him)

He was a messenger of peace, devotion and love based upon monotheism and justice. He was raised in His Mother’s hand – Virgin Mary (peace be upon her) – that Almighty God stood her as impeccable and exalted her above the women of the world. The Mother and the Son that in the Divine Sight are reputable and prestigious. And they are positioned by God – The All Wise- at a sublime level.

See? State-sponsored religion is just as annoying coming from the Iranian president as from our own. I’m waiting for Ahmadinejad to write a post about who or what God ordered him to invade, but he’s got one up on our man on that point.

What gets me is that this will work for him on a couple levels at least. Glancing about, I see he’s got a blogroll that includes the official website of the Grand Ayatollah Seyyed Ali Khameni, the … um … okay, The Office of the Supreme Leader Sayyid Ali Khamenei, the Presidency of the Islamic Republic of Iran News Service, the Islamic Republic News Agency, the Islamic Republic of Iran Broadcasting website, and Press TV. Really, I’d make a LOLcatz joke, but … well, no. They’re not funny. The catz or jokes about the damn catz. And I’m a cat person.

Anyway … Ahmadinejad’s blog provides a minor portal for people who are actually interested in knowing who President Bush wants to bomb. For instance, Maryam Torabi interviews Mrs. Fatema Alia head of the Iranian Parliament’s Committee for Women and Family Affairs, as well as an active member of the Majlis Cultural Commission. (Okay, if you say so.)

Q. Islam encourages women to be active members of the society while considering them important pillars of families. Islam also places the central responsibility for the upbringing of children upon women. How can women in today’s world balance family matters against social responsibilities?

A. Women can have social responsibilities without necessarily being employed. The society can greatly benefit from women who voluntarily take part in social activities and influence the culture, politics and economics of their country. What is important is that the position of the family as the main building block of the society should always be cherished.

When employed, women can benefit from features such as flextime and maternity leaves. They can also use technologies like the Internet to continue to work at home while caring for their families.

The main issue here is that the family, which is an abode where love and friendship rule, should never be transformed to a mere dwelling deficient in the spirit of companionship.

Q. Does such balance exist in the world today?

A. In most parts of the world, in the West in particular, women are merely objects of collective materialistic values. The notion of complete equality between men and women with no consideration for their biological and emotional differences has distanced women from their inborn nature.

Many women have traded in family values to be able to work. In the West, people are changing the laws of nature such that family values have been forgotten and even same-sex relationships are emerging.

The modern world seems to be greatly concerned about women and makes favorable promises to them. It promises them freedom from slavery, male-domination, and even the established institution of marriage, but what does it actually have in store? Nothing but exploitation, injustice, oppression, aggression, harassment, neurosis and indignity.

You know, “Revolutionary” language is just annoying. This is part of why the Revolution cannot be forced. I mean, don’t get me wrong. Many American homes have become “mere dwellings” that are “deficient in the spirit of companionship”, and I agree with a certain premise about the problem of promoting women as sexual objects, but I must disagree with Mrs. Alia and note that the solution is not to reduce the humanity of women. And, frankly, that’s how I see the hijab, and how it sounds when I hear how “The notion of complete equality between men and women with no consideration for their biological and emotional differences has distanced women from their inborn nature.”

But I digress. It is, in the end, possible to learn something about our Iranian neighbors/future cannon fodder. Even people who are just looking to complain about Iran can find something to suit their needs, like the interview with Mrs. Alia. And I have to admit, I probably wouldn’t have strayed over to PressTV.ir without the official blog. So there’s one. Learning. For instance, I learned that President Ahmadinejad felicitated Kenya for its Independence Day. I figured that would have been illegal in the Islamic Republic, but he is the president, and if there’s one thing the last several years have taught me, it’s that presidents can do whatever they want.

They don’t felicitate in Middle America, do they?

And for some reason I found it odd that the Saudis had to officially invite Ahmadinejad to participate in the Hajj, but then again I’d never really stopped to think about what a pain in the ass that must be for customs. I wonder if Ahmadinejad is at home thinking, “Well, crap, now they’ve invited me. I feel kind of obliged, now.”

But beyond picking up news and perspective from behind the Muslim Veil (okay, that joke sucked), Ahmadinejad scores points for blogging. Some of this is inherent: he gets to put out some sort of official word at will, and it sounds somehow more personal being typed by an underling than being read to the press by an underling. I suppose I should give him the benefit of the doubt. The page does look clumsy in English, although the grammar and punctuation are marginally better than I would expect of President Bush. I mean, at least Ahmadinejad is in the ballpark.

And that PR function has two edges, both of which play to his advantage. The Iranian President can appeal to the world with genteel considerations on life, the Universe, and everything, and can furthermore embarrass Americans just by giving them the freedom to comment. Some of the better comments from Americans:

  • “Colby Brown”— God bless Iran, Bush and Isreal are unfair to Iran. I am sorry for the way you were treated at our university. All americans are not the same as Bush. Peace god bless Iran and the rest of the world!
  • “ken mcfly”—die slow …
  • “Hate You”— Shut up please, would you? I get headache reading your nonsense stuff.‎‎

And my favorite:

  • “Yao Ming”—You are a nigger.

I mean, seriously, what am I supposed to say to that? (“USA! USA! Woot-woot-woot-woot!”) To the other, what if this was just some propaganda bit? Who the hell in Iran would have come up with “Yao Ming” and “You are a nigger”?

And, seriously, can you imagine if Ahmadinejad shows up for commencement or something at Tehran U, and instead of shouting “Death to the dictator!” the students start shouting, “Nig-ger! Nig-ger! Nig-ger!”

Would that not make the best YouTube clip ever? I mean, we could be so proud for having exported one of our deepest-seeded hatreds to Iran.

Because somewhere out there, I know, there’s at least one of my American neighbors who is heartbroken by that notion. “Oh, did they have to go and call him a nigger?”

Oh, ye gads:

  • “John Jacobs”—I hate you. you are retarted. that simple mentally retarted

That’s it. No more reading Ahmadinejad’s blog at not quite half-past four. Goddamn Americans. Must be a propaganda job. And “Yao Ming” is the best joke ever written by an Iranian president.

(Oh, right.)

Welcome to the blogosphere, Mr. President.  Get used to it.

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