Minions of Cthulhu?

Two words suffice: Giant scorpion

Science Daily broke the news:

The discovery of a giant fossilised claw from an ancient sea scorpion indicates that when alive it would have been about two and a half meters long, much taller than the average man ….

…. The claw is from a sea scorpion (eurypterid) Jaekelopterus rhenaniae that lived between 460 and 255 million years ago. It is 46 centimetres long, indicating that the sea scorpion to which it belonged was around 2.5 metres (8 feet) long — almost half a metre longer than previous estimates for these arthropods and the largest one ever to have evolved.

Eurypterids are believed to be the extinct aquatic ancestors of scorpions and possibly all arachnids.

Some geologists believe that giant arthropods evolved due to higher levels of oxygen in the atmosphere in the past. Others, that they evolved in an ‘arms race’ alongside their likely prey, the early armoured fish.

Heh. “Arms race”. Forty-six centimeters. A scorpion with a claw a foot and a half long. The quote of the day actually comes from Dr. Simon Braddy, of the University of Bristol: “We have known for some time that the fossil record yields monster millipedes, super-sized scorpions, colossal cockroaches, and jumbo dragonflies, but we never realised, until now, just how big some of these ancient creepy-crawlies were.”

Oh, gee, you think? You didn’t realize?

Actually, what is even more disturbing is the notion of a scientist using the phrase “super-sized”. If I want super-size, I’ll go up the street and get a crappy slab of dead cow at McDonald’s. (And what the hell are you putting in the burgers these days to make them taste so damnably rancid?)

But what ever happened to perfectly wonderful words like enormous or gargantuan? Oh, you felt like alliterating? Why not scary? You know, like “… monster millipedes, scary freakin’ scorpions, colossal cockroaches …”?

Because what’s really scary about this thing is that the previous estimate for these things was around six feet long. Makes me feel a hell of a lot better. You?

Just remember this thing next time you’re out for lobster.

I wonder what Lovecraft would say? Oh. Right.

(Insert Title Here)

Whoa, dude! I did not just read this ….

They could barely see over the courtroom table, and their legs were too short to reach the floor. An 8-year-old and two 9-year-old boys, accused of raping an 11-year-old neighbor.

Or maybe I did. And so did you.

The Cycle: Celebrity endorsement time (v.1)

‘Tis the season for stupid celebrity endorsements. First up, Ms. Bonnie Raitt on John Edwards:

“I’m ready for that thing called Edwards love. That’s what I’m ready for.”

Okay. If you say so, ma’am. On the other side of the aisle, I don’t know what to make of Chuck Norris’ recent endorsement of Mike Huckabee. The advert includes a few gems. In fact, it’s … well … here:

Huckabee: My plan to secure the borders? Two words: Chuck Norris.

Norris: Mike Huckabee’s a lifelong hunter who’ll protect our Second Amendment Rights.

Huckabee: There’s no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard, only another fist.

Norris: Mike Huckabee wants to put the IRS out of business.

Huckabee: When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Norris: Mike’s a principled, authentic conservative.

Huckabee: Chuck Norris doesn’t endorse; he tells America how it’s going to be.

Now, maybe it’s just me, but is that a non-sequitur at the outset, or is Huckabee’s plan for border security to just start shooting people? But the important phrase in there is “authentic conservative”. Those two words came up in another recent celebrity endorsement from the “Nature Boy” Ric Flair.

What? Seriously.

“It’s a tremendous honor to offer my support to such an outstanding leader as Mike Huckabee,” Flair said in a statement issued by the former Arkansas governor’s campaign. “His authentic conservative qualifications and level of executive leadership experience are unmatched by his opponents.”

“And like I always say, to be the man, you’ve got to beat the man and Mike Huckabee is the man. Whoooooooo!”

The Flair endorsement is key, though. Huckabee needed to respond to a recent endorsement by the WWE’s Kane of candidate Ron Paul. In the wake of a recent Fed raid against a souvenir coin company, Matt, a Paul supporter from Kansas, noted:

Typical CNN mainstream media putting its touches on what it deems ILLEGAL! Once again here we are, having the FEDS RAID a LEGAL OPERATION! There was nothing WRONG or ILLEGAL with the liberty dollar ( it had to be approved by the MINT BEFORE being made ) and ALL THIS IS is again, the GOVT putting FREEDOM another step down!
I HOPE IT BACKFIRES on them! I hope it brings more attention to RON PAUL! BARRY GOLDWATER, KANE from WWE, Barry Manilow, ETC ETC have found RON PAUL, HAVE YOU?

Barry Manilow? Seriously? Okay. Kane? From WWE? Is finding Ron Paul like finding Jesus? As Liz commented at Rescue-US.org:

I hope that we get more stars involved with the Ron Paul Revolution. He is the man for our future to get better!!! I will also listen to more Barry Manilow music now!!

What? Does the fact that he endorsed Ron Paul somehow make his music better? Nonetheless, Congressman Dr. Paul’s supporters remind us of the futility of celebrity endorsements. Bonnie Raitt wants some Edwards love? Well, she should probably ask Elizabeth, first. I find it embarrassing because Edwards is my chosen candidate. At least when he got the Mellencamp endorsement, people booed him for interrupting a concert. Now that’s the way it should be. I mean, I’m glad these folks are important enough to expect their endorsements to mean something, but I’m not about to change my vote for Barry Manilow. I wouldn’t expect anyone else to change their vote for Bonnie Raitt or John Mellencamp, either.

A note to the stars: If you decide to publicly endorse a candidate, do not embarrass the candidate. And that means don’t embarrass yourself, either.

Easy enough? Good.

Oh, and a note to Ron Paul: Don’t know what to tell you, man. They’re your supporters.