Mitt Romney: No freakin’ way!

No.

Really?

Oh, come on. Seriously?

Every once in a while, you come across something that you don’t want to believe is true. Neil Swidey and Stephanie Ebbert, from their Boston Globe profile of GOP presidential candidate and former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney:

Before beginning the drive, Mitt Romney put Seamus, the family’s hulking Irish setter, in a dog carrier and attached it to the station wagon’s roof rack. He’d built a windshield for the carrier, to make the ride more comfortable for the dog ….

…. As the oldest son, Tagg Romney commandeered the way-back of the wagon, keeping his eyes fixed out the rear window, where he glimpsed the first sign of trouble. “Dad!” he yelled. “Gross!” A brown liquid was dripping down the back window, payback from an Irish setter who’d been riding on the roof in the wind for hours.

As the rest of the boys joined in the howls of disgust, Romney coolly pulled off the highway and into a service station. There, he borrowed a hose, washed down Seamus and the car, then hopped back onto the highway. It was a tiny preview of a trait he would grow famous for in business: emotion-free crisis management.

What? What punch line can I write here? Wonkette’s Ken Layne came up with the obvious. In fact, two obvious ones.

• • •

And while I’m still on the subject of Wonkette and Ken Layne, I really do want to stress that I have nothing against him (so far); sometimes jokes miss.

But the folks over at Wonkette are more diligent than I, so I owe them at least that acknowledgment. I mean, really, I wouldn’t have noticed the “vanilla steamer” bit.

Someone needs to be obsessed with Mitt Romney’s homoerotic correlations. Thanks, Ken.

What? It’s a funny picture.

Over at Wonkette, Ken Layne was apparently trying to be funny.  And, apparently, he can be from time to time.  (I’m not a regular Wonkette reader.)

As the nation slips into a new “Not So Great Depression,” Republicans are embracing a new kind of Compassionate Conservatism that should appeal to poverty-stricken people who’ve lost their homes, jobs and traditional abhorrence of homosexuality and pedophilia. Leading the new effort is Wisconsin Republican leader and Brown County GOP Chairman Donald Fleischman, currently facing charges of child enticement, contributing to the delinquency of a child and exposing himself to a child — all because he (allegedly) wanted to show his love to a runaway boy!

It’s not the worst, but it’s not much, either.  My point isn’t to bash Layne’s writing; I haven’t read enough of it.  But I needed a disclaimer for pointing you to the article.  After all, it’s the graphic that makes the trip worth it:

 

Just when I was ready to stop the madness

Damn it!

See, the whole time I’ve been away (you may or may not have noticed the three-week lull), part of what I’ve been dwelling on is the political coverage. Damn it, I have to admit that politics brings out the asshole in me. I mean, sure Warner Todd Huston is a prig for that “al Reuters” bit, and Fred Thompson is full of crap. But, really, what’s the point of actually saying it?

There are comedians who are funnier than I, and analysts who are smarter and better writers–or, at least, in a better position–than I. And, frankly one of my big complaints about politics is that liberals continue to stoop to meet conservative sleaze.

So here I’ve been chewing my nails (literally) trying to figure out what the hell to do about it. And then a dead Pope (see below) bails me out.

And then that bastard Colbert just had to go and screw with things.

Seriously, I was very much pleased with myself, not so much for having finally written a new entry, but rather because I found out that someone visited the site while looking for a specific reference (Google cache, I love ye), and given who that person most likely is, I was quite pleased. (No, it’s not so important as to drop names; it’s just a personal reassurance that, holy shite, people I really want to be looking in my direction are looking, and I’m not ready, and is my hair a mess ….)

Colbert.

Stephen Colbert, how dare you ruin my moment!

Really, it wasn’t like I was on television, or under DHS surveillance. (Okay, I wouldn’t know if I was.) It wasn’t a moment to share with anyone else. It was my moment.

And then, as I hopped tabs to come back and think about writing a book review, I saw the headline from my WordPress neighbors over at CNN. And I thought it was a joke.

Obviously, I haven’t been paying attention. From Alexander Mooney:

He hinted at a possible run for the White House on CNN’s Larry King last week, but Comedy Central host Stephen Colbert made it official Tuesday night: he’s jumping into the presidential race in his home state of South Carolina.

“After nearly 15 minutes of soul-searching, I have heard the call….I am hereby declaring that I will enter the presidential primary in my native South Carolina, running as a favorite son,” Colbert said on his show Tuesday night. “I defy any other candidate to pander more to the people of South Carolina — those beautiful, beautiful people.”

Damn it, Stephen! Why does it always have to be about you?

I was ready to can the political coverage, you bastard!

I stopped smoking last week! Go to hell!

(Anyway, thanks, Stephen. Have a blast.)

(Oh, yeah … Mooney has a second piece on this, too.)

Happy Birthday … excuse me if I don’t hump your leg

Congratulations and condolences to David Rees, as Get Your War On turned six years old recently.

Really, I feel morbid. But it’s a good show, sir. Thanks much for the reminder that I haven’t gone completely insane.

They … will … believe … anything!

You know, I once actually heard a Catholic priest debunk a sighting of the Virgin Mary by pointing to a lamp. An unlikely combination of factors apparently caused the light reflected off the lamp to cast a distorted image on the wall that looked much like the Virgin.

And, yes, that was a long time ago. Probably about the time devout pilgrims were gathering to see the Virgin in the iridescence on the back of a road sign near Yakima.

Then there was the time that some of the Medjugorje witnesses came to speak at my Jesuit high school; the one thing I can remember from that day is that they were quite sincere. They really believe what they’re telling people.

And that’s well and fine. I still remember that one priest who tried to stay rational.

But this?

Nick Pisa reports for the Daily Mail:

The image, said by believers to show the Holy Father with his right hand raised in blessing, was spotted during a ceremony in Poland to mark the second anniversary of his death ….

…. Gregorz Lukasik, the Polish man who took the photographs, said: “It was only afterwards when I got home and looked at the pictures that I realised I had something.

“I showed them to my brother and sister and they, like me, were convinced the flames had formed the image of Pope John Paul II.

“I was so happy with the picture that I showed it to our local bishop who said that Pope John Paul had made many pilgrimages during his life and he was still making them in death.”

You know, I think when I was a kid, there was an episode of That’s Incredible! or Real People that featured a picture of a house burning down; the family took comfort, though, when one of the children spotted Jesus Christ standing in the doorway. It was sort of the same kind of thing you see here.

And at least this is cooler than the road sign outside Yakima.